1 Year Anniversary

At an Army event, a rare glimpse of Ed all dressed up.

At an Army event, a rare glimpse of Ed all dressed up.

It seems only fitting that since this blog was started in preparation for our wedding, that I would post something celebrating that particular day in history.  It was hard for me to write this post, I feel there were many directions I could go as I reflected on my first full year as a married woman.  So, I’m giving myself permission, (hopefully I have yours too!) to re-visit first-year-of-marriage themes in the future, and will talk more specifically about our anniversary in this post.  So here we go….

Working on your marriage starts by working on you. If there is one thing I have learned in this first year of marriage, it is that being partnered with someone brings out your very best or your very worst qualities on any given day. I have also learned that the more I focus on what I need from my spouse, the less happy I am. Instead I am learning to find my contentment and my happiness in my relationship with God and myself. Then anything I get from my spouse is a bonus!

Especially on our anniversary I had to really wrestle with the

I love you!

I love you!

expectation of getting something from my spouse. We as a society have made a gift giving occasion out of just about anything. Now if you like to give gifts, or you like to get gifts there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. Gift giving is a tried-and-true way of showing affection. However it is not the only way to show affection and the lack of gift giving or dinner reservations should not reflect on the health and wellness of a relationship. This was very hard for me to accept at first because I spend too much time on Facebook, seeing all the status updates from my friends who would receive roses, a card and dinner at the nearest steakhouse for any and all special occasions. Through much conversation I have learned how my spouse feels he is able to show love to me, and in his mind it looks very different than the typical Kay Jewelry commercial.

So I had to decide if I was going to be okay with that, or make myself miserable by comparing our relationship and my spouse’s love-overtures to every other 20-something married couple in our non-denominational Christian-ease hipster society. So in honor of my spouse, who does love me devotedly, here are some ways he shows me his love all the time not just on special occasions, (he does these of his own volition btw!):

  •  Paying the bills
  •  Doing the dishes
  •  Putting my health first
  •  Working me out at the gym
  •  Serenading me
  •  Dancing with me
  •  Laughing when I spend too much money
  •  Complementing me profusely when I roll out of bed in the mornings
  •  Keeping himself informed, in-shape, and spiritually growing

How did we actually spend our anniversary?  Well, my maid of honor was in town, so my bride-groom took us to the gun-range to teach us how to shoot.  (He loved teaching us, and apparently I’m a pretty good shot.)  Then, the MOH took us to lunch before heading to the airport.  Good food, lots of laughs, and reflections on life made for a lovely time.  Finally alone, my hubby and I spent some time kanoodling, cleaning, and wrapped up the day with a trip to the movies.  Dracula Untold is not really romantic, but prompted interesting discussion about love, sacrifice, good, and evil.  All in all, a pretty good day for Team RZ – I felt connected to my husband, gained fresh insight and understanding, and learned something new with him.  Isn’t that what marriage is all about?

Happy hubby, happy life!

Happy wedding day!

Getting back to my previous point about working on the self, some days it is a struggle to find my peace and happiness and contentment apart from the person that I have to do life with, however I also know that I can be demanding, selfish, prideful, needy, achievement-oriented, and by turns over emotional, or not in touch with my emotions at all.  That’s why I feel that prayer and meditation, (journaling for me), is even MORE essential when it comes to marriage vs all the other things we spend time stressing about.  After all, your marriage is the commitment that affects you each and every day, and will be with you until the day you die.  It can be, and should be, the most life-altering decision you make.  What is more worthy of your time and consideration?  After all, by calling on the Big Guy’s help, and working through your baggage SO THAT your marriage becomes healthier…you are really doing yourself a favor.

We are big fans of affirmations. We really appreciate when the other takes notice of something that we’ve done or something great about us in general. We try and make it a practice to affirm each other each night before we say prayers and go to bed. Some nights it is easier to come up with something than others but the practice of doing so forces us to look for the best in each other even if it’s been a hard day.

The #1 thing that I’ve learned about marriage is that every day is a choice. You may fall in love but deciding to stay there is made up of little choices each and every day. I can either choose to withdraw when I’m upset and pout, or I can lean into our relationship. I can try to understand the other point of view, I can opt to compromise. Obviously I don’t do it right 90 percent of the time, but with a lot of grace, forgiveness, and God’s help we’ve made it this far, and are looking forward to the rest of Forever.

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Ed’s Wife

palm-trees-2Well, this is my first full week in Florida...and as a wife…and as a full-time business owner.  Oh, and as a mother of 2 squirrel-y hounds. I still can’t quite believe that this is my “new normal”, a permanent reality rather than a temporary visit.  Without the constant cheerful re-assurance of my new husband, I don’t think I’d be adjusting very well.

Keeping warm together between photos

Keeping warm together between photos

What’s tough:  We had a “thing” last night about internet.  He can get by with a pay-as-you-go hub with a few gigs a month.  Between marketing, networking, and my addiction to Netflix, I need constant high-speed access 24/7.  As we used up the last of his gigs yesterday, it was time to re-asses, and he happily added a regular internet subscription so that I could do my work from home and not count the megabytes.  BUT – for an woman who is used to making and spending her own money and answering only to God…it is SO hard to ask for something like that.  It used to be that if I spent a little too much in one area in the budget, I was the only one who suffered, ate less, or stayed in on the weekend to compensate.  Now if we are careless, he can’t go to the chiro or afford school books.  AND…I’m no longer full-time at the church, so I’m shifting to working my business as my only line of income, and in the meantime I’m not contributing much to the house-hold.  I know this is stereo-typically a guy problem, but I’m sure other ladies encounter this now too?  Especially if you get married later in life?

What’s awesome: We have SO much fun together!  There is something so sweet about

Took a random detour and ended up at a car show. Ed found us a mini-van

Took a random detour and ended up at a car show. Ed found us a mini-van

img_5253

Someone’s going into the fountain here…

having taken a leap of faith to go from dating long-distance to married-in-person (as I call it).  I’m constantly amazed by my husbands compassion, work-ethic, and determination to love and take care of me so well.  We’re learning about each other exponentially every day, and our ability to communicate is our saving grace.  We survived our first visit to Bed Bath and Beyond together with registry and gift-cards in hand.  We are learning to share 1 car, take care of 2 dogs, and compromise on how we spend our leisure time.  On Sunday, we went to the little church that meets at the University, most of the other soldiers from the station attend as well.  Wow – Pentecostal/Baptist/African-American-Style/3hours of awesomeness. I cried, was blessed and prayed over, anointed with oil, and hugged with passion.  Can’t wait to see what happens week 2 🙂

 My favorite thing about being married is the

We're married!  Yup, that happened.

We’re married! Yup, that happened.

un-conditional attitude.  There is not point in getting mad – we may as well talk it out because neither of us is going anywhere.  The Bible says, “Perfect love casts out fear”.  I’m feeling that these days, and it is truly beautiful.  We constantly pray as a couple that this sweet season together will make us strong enough to pour that same kind of love out to others as we meet them in life. Wish us luck!

~ The Marry Team RZ

FAQ’s

Salutations worthy followers!

This post is a bit administrative.  Several dear friends have asked great questions about the wedding and preparation; I thought I’d address them together!

Q.  Where are we registered?  A.  Bed Bath and Beyond.  We wanted to keep it simple, so everything is online, CLICK HERE

Q.  Are people actually dressing for the 20’s and 30’s?  A.  Yes!  Erin, our Vintage Style Consultant has been busily working to approve and dress our wedding party, parents, and guests.   Please feel free to email her for help and ideas!  ofdustandwonder@gmail.com

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Q.  What does the Big Day look like?  A.  Ceremony begins at 4:15, please arrive NO LATER than 3:45 to take advantage of valet parking. The tent will be heated, games will be played, dinner will be served about 6pm.

Q.  When am I moving?  A.  Ideally we will begin driving down on Sunday after the out-of-towners’ brunch.  No, I’m not packed yet!

Q.  What are we most excited about?  A.  We are most excited about being able to support each other in person.  We’ve learned so much about communication via Skype, email, text, phone…but to be able to stand side-by-side as partners through-out our days is our greatest hope.

Thank you all so much for helping us to celebrate, for all your kind words and helpful hints.  Keep praying for us please, so much transition…but so much joy!