I may or may not have had one of those emotional break-downs last night that left my poor hubby scrambling to use every positive affirmation in his vocabulary to assure me that life was fantastic and would indeed “go on”. You always feel worse don’t you? When the innocent bystander get’s sucked into your personal expectations about life? It’s really not fair, and we don’t want it to happen, but there it is, and all you can do is muddle through the mud and clean your boots on the other side.
It doesn’t really matter what triggers these moments, we all have expectations of ourselves, of what we are meant to do with our lives, of what our lives “should” look like to the outside observer. Here’s the kicker – the outside observer is the LAST thing we should be concerned about. We should in fact be looking to the INside observer. God looks at our heart. Did we try to do the right thing? Did we have honest intentions? Did we hope and plan for the best? Then our heart is good. And even when it’s not, when a blemish or stain mares our well-meaning attempts at life, God has the stain-remover at the ready – and it works every time.
So after prayer and reflection this morning, here is where I landed, and maybe you can sit here with me:
Maybe what I’m doing today is exactly what I’m supposed to be doing. Maybe leaving a little un-planned time in the schedule is exactly what God has planned. Maybe the time I have to think, to connect with others, to be in God presence, is replenishing me to be ready at a moments notice for…anything God wants! Maybe the work I have in front of me is exactly what I’m meant to be working, rather than chasing to down that next project or the un-gettable client. Maybe my husband did marry me for the person I am, the size I am, the passions I have – hoping with all HIS heart that I WONT change. Now…Wouldn’t that be something?
Praise be to the Lord my Rock, who trains my hands for war, my fingers for battle. (2) He is my loving God and my fortress, my stronghold and my deliverer, my shield, in who I take refuge, who subdues peoples under me.
This verse stopped me in my tracks. Even while God prepares us for battle, He is our loving refuge. We are not meant to be powerful on our own, but behind the shield and on the rock of someone much more powerful than us. It brings me so much peace to think that as I face the small daily fights, whether I feel like I’m winning or losing in the moment, He is steadily loving me, bringing sweet moments of joy along the way, and preparing me for what is to come. That goes for all of us. So grateful!!