Fighting to Get Close



I know you all assume that Edward and I are the most loving romantic couple, and in our sweet pre-wedding bliss, always speak to each other in the most patient, kind, and care-giving way.  Hahaha…nope.   We are both type A, first-born, leadership-oriented individuals who get pretty passionate about what we think.  This will occasionally cause heated debates where neither of us is in any hurry to give ground, or worse yet, concede to the other.

Those of you who know us well will also attest to the fact that we can be very analytic, so I have taken an analytic approach to our tussles, and discovered something interesting.  We are fighting to get close.  It’s so simply profound that I can’t believe I was never able to put words to it before.   What I mean is what may start as a difference of opinion can escalate into a passion-filled argument because underneath the words we say out-loud is the heart-cry “I want you to understand me.  I want you to know me and still accept me. I want to feel more connected and in-sync with

Angry, yawning, or both?

Do you hear me?


Does that resonate with anyone else?  I see it so clearly now in our arguments.  I feel most hurt when I feel Ed is speaking or acting without knowing me.  I want him to have paid such close attention to our conversations that he will automatically know how I’ll respond.  If I were to hazard a guess, Ed loses patience when he feels we’re not working as a team, and when I can’t respect or anticipate what he is wanting for our relationship in that moment.

Bottom line:  We humans are designed to love each other.  Fighting to get close is just part of how we love!  I truly believe that now.  So if all couples, friends, family members fight, what’s the game changer?  That you stay to finish the fight.  Don’t just walk away, or emotionally shut down.  It’s harder to stay in the battle, to keep re-explaining, to patiently listen, to concede a point or two…but when you stay in the

At the military ball...loving our time together

At the military ball…loving our time together

battle, you will ultimately win the war.  And winning in the Love war means a a lasting victory that is sweet to the soul.


One thought on “Fighting to Get Close

  1. Great post! We chose NOT to fight as newlyweds. Thirteen years later, we fought an entire year. Married almost 4 decades and still fighting for “oneness” …to be what God has already declared that we are…”one.” Caution: He’s nothing like a girlfriend and if he tries to second guess what to say or do based on knowing you, he will often get it wrong. It isn’t on his grid. God did not program him that way. You have to spell it out, over and over again but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you. He’s a guy and over the long haul you wouldn’t want him any other way… Marriage is quite a ride and it will be fun watching the two of you grow more in love with Christ and with each other. Love you two lovebirds!

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